Storytime ·

Labor Day and Oklahoma

 

THE BEST USE FOR OKLAHOMA
The recent release of Twister 2 may have influenced me to write this, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I haven’t even seen the movie yet. I could watch it for $19.99 on Amazon right now, but no way am I going to pay that kind of money just to sit there and judge every truck in the film, and call bullshit on about a thousand things that your run-of-the-mill Dodge Ram can’t realistically do. So I’ll pass for now. 
 
Oklahoma though - I think it’s time we turned the whole state over to the Tornadoes. All of it. Even that weird long part that sticks out to the west, that looks like none of the surrounding states wanted. Everyone pretends it’s not there anyway. Not even Oklahomans. It's like they lost a bet in the early 1900's and had to take it.
 
This year has been a record year of Tornadoes in Oklahoma, with numerous deaths. You might want to ask the question - “why do people live there?” - which there isn’t a good answer for, and there’s no real way to find out. It’s a true modern mystery. And the Tornado population seems to be growing and asserting itself more each year, so why not just let them have it? There really isn’t a reason not to, that I can see. 
 
Sure, there are some pretty spots to camp in Oklahoma, some great streams/lakes/rivers to fish in, and I think there may even be a hill there. I haven’t seen it, but someone told me about it once. Is that enough to keep a state open though? When there is an entire population of homeless Tornadoes that would be more than happy to take charge and flourish if given the opportunity?
 
It seems that space is what the Tornadoes need, and are fighting for. Just like us humans, we all want to settle down, have a nice simple life with some semblance of comfort and security. The Tornado population could do just that if given the chance. They could live in any one of the thousands of Tornado shelters already built. They could get married and have little Tornado babies, who in turn could learn and grow and prosper in their exclusive Tornado gated communities. 
They could have Tornado Family Reunions. Order BBQ from Kansas, and sit around a nice idyllic pond and reminisce about the big Tornadoes of the past. “You remember Tornado Uncle Clive? He was a mean sumbitch. Tornado Aunt Doris passed not long after Clive. Got stuck under a bridge and just kind of fizzled out.”

The democratically elected Tornado Governor could court businesses to relocate there, to provide jobs for the Tornado population. Whirlpool would be a good company to start with, because that’s funny. There is plenty of infrastructure already in place for Tornado schools and Universities. And think of the merch they could have, and most importantly, they could put an end to the Oklahoma/Texas school rivalries, which are honestly insufferable to hear about. 

And I’m not saying that everyone already living there needs to move out. But like smoking and buying a Cyber Truck, people are aware of the consequences. They can make their own decisions, like those people who choose to “ride out” hurricanes in Florida. 

If I could make one last argument for this plan - think of the tourism industry that the Tornado State could build. I mean, if given autonomy, they could section off spaces for some great camping by those lakes/rivers/streams, and that one rumored hill, and charge a pretty good nightly rate. From a conservation standpoint, it’s probably super easy for Tornadoes to do trash collection, and they could just go deposit whatever they pick up in that dead zone of Texas, north of Amarillo, since nobody lives there anyway. Oklahoma could end up being the cleanest, most well-preserved state in America if it were under the full control of Tornadoes.

It would be great if you all could kick this idea around, and let us know if we should start writing letters to our elected officials. I bet we could get dozens of signatures on a petition by the end of the year if we tried. And maybe even more if we didn’t try.
 
Before we go, we hope everyone has a very pleasant holiday weekend, and can spend some time outside before we head into fall and school and spooky season. 
 
And of course, check out a great Labor Day deal we have going through the weekend. The new Everything rope for $17.95 for one, or $30 for two. We found these at the recent Overland Expo in Colorado, and are currently using them!

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