The year is 1743. It's just before dawn on a cold morning in May. The ocean air is heavy and hangs low around the masts and sails at the port of Lagos, Portugal.
The weather app on Charles Columbosino's phone wasn't working, having not been invented yet. He felt the fog would lift by mid-day, once they got away from shore. This, the first and last voyage of the Acadian adventurer's exploratory commission, was ready to set sail and head for the "New World."
Charles and his crew were waiting on one last bit of cargo to arrive, from the Range Rover dealership in Praia de Rocha. Those bastards were always late. Fictitious or not, their disregard for schedules and provable existence was apparent.
Charles could wait no longer, as this story wouldn't have the right vibe if the sun came out. He looked at his iSundial, noting the time as he did constantly while impatient. Even with the fog, he could see that it was already two little scratch marks past the big scratch mark next to the chipped edge on the left. "Fuck 'em" he thought, as he turned on his heel.
The slappity-slap of the Range Rover employee's sandals on the dock echoed off the vessel, and made Charles stop once again and turn toward the late courier.
"I have the package sir! It is to go to New World Range Rover in Boston. I understand It is of little use, but here is the tracking number printed on the top." Nigel said.
Without a word, Charles grabbed the package and heaved it over the rail, onto the deck of the boat. He hated dudes in flip-flops.
And that friends, is how this stick came to America.
About the product:
- Designed specifically for the 1990-and-a-half Range Rover Classic, the one with the gas struts that were destined to fail on the back window.
- Can hold up the rear glass, the bonnet, or be used to whack things if and when your Range Rover suffers a mechanical failure.
- Very limited edition, hence the "LE" designation.
- A true and authentic Range Rover part, designed and manufactured in England, shaped and sold in Portugal, delivered by flip-flop-Nigel.
- Although originally having a serial number on the stick upper, the number has been worn off by years of travel and use, thus proving authenticity - Only a fake would still have a visible serial number after 200 years.
Material - Wood
- Weight - Not that heavy
- Dimensions - About the size of a big stick
- Warranty - C'mon now
In the box:
- Certification paperwork that we found - unrelated to stick
- 20-30 feral termites